INQUIRY – Final Reflection

This subject has proved to be the most challenging of my first year subjects as a part time student.  The weekly blog, quiz and the volume of reading content and assessment have proved to be time consuming beyond what I was expecting.

I feel the volume of work has detracted from the learning, in that my personal focus was surviving the content not mastering it, which is somewhat disappointing.

On the positive side I feel my writing has definitely improved resultant of the amount of practice undertaken to complete the course requirements.  In this context, the challenge has proved beneficial.

In reference to the key takeaway for this course and how I have fared

1. Keep it simple – I have learned to remove pointless / meaningless words in sentences.  I have been able to simplify paragraphs with greater impact and meaning.
2. Let the story tell itself  – I have improved in this area, my writing has matured in structure and flow.
3. Become a master of the technical – I am not sure exactly what the technical is, I was hoping to understand more of this and have a conceptual framework of media writing.  Perhaps there is no framework, more a series of do’s and don’ts that come together in a piece of writing.
4. Always read your work aloud – OK, will do from now on.

I believe that reviewing the previous weeks blogs at the weekly tutorials would have been beneficial to understanding and application of the blog tasks.

Thank you Kate Ames, Bronwyn Voyce and Jesse Hughes for your guidance and assistance during the term.

PRACTICAL – Review your blogs

A full review has been conducted against the blog writing checklist provided.

TECHNICAL – Final Quiz Reflection

I trust I am a better writer from what the quizzes have taught me.  Answering the questions directly from the book readings was simple to do and I trust at some level I have learned how to apply the learnings in my writing.

Reviewing the quizzes in the university tutorials would have also been beneficial, learning application not just getting the answers right.

INQUIRY – Article analysis

The article is a great example of poor writing.

With limited information the article has been teased out to appear larger than what it needs to be. The use of repetitive words and statements, together with grammatically incorrect paragraphs that do not flow, have created a disjointed reading experience.

The final sentence suggesting self-harm is based in speculation and is an inappropriate and unethical use of statement.  Further comments are provided in text to the original article.

Woman stuck under train at Eagle Junction Train Station, Brisbane (incorrect headline structure subject / verb / object.)

A WOMAN has been injured after becoming stuck under a train at a railway station in Brisbane.  (The Headline and the leading sentence are the same, there is more detail in the headline making this sentence obsolete.)

Emergency services are working to free a woman from under a train on Brisbane’s north side. (The article has not followed the inverted pyramid structure.)

A woman, believed to be in her 30s, was caught under the train at Eagle Junction railway station just after 12pm Wednesday. (Repetitive wording and does not flow with the previous sentences.)

A Queensland Ambulance Service spokeswoman (incorrect use of gender terminology here, should read spokesperson) said the woman is currently conscious and has lower leg injuries, as four fire crews continue their rescue efforts. (incorrect use of grammar when adding ‘as four fire crews continue their rescue efforts.’)

Emergency services reportedly freed the woman at 12.55pm.

QAS (what is QAS? abbreviation should follow the long version in the above paragraph to enable understanding) said (QAS cannot speak only representatives can) the woman was taken to the Royal Brisbane Hospital in a serious condition.

The incident is already having a flow on rail commuters travelling through the region, with Airport and Doomben trains experiencing delays of up to 40 minutes.

A witness reports a train full of people was sitting on the platform as the incident unfolds. (grammar is incorrect – ‘as the incident unfolds unfolded’ … poorly formed sentence and probably not needed)

Police said they are treating the incident as one of self-harm. (inappropriate to the context of the article, a comment based on speculation not fact. I believe this is a point of ethics, where the journalist is open to repercussions for publishing ‘slanderous’ comment.)

(I do not believe that this line should have been included into the article, however at least the appropriate guidelines were followed with the inclusion of referenced help agencies and contact details). 

For help with emotional difficulties, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14

For help with depression, contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36

The SANE Helpline is 1800 18 SANE (7263)

PRACTICAL – Rewrite the article

Emergency Services free woman pinned under a train

Emergency services were called to the Eagle Junction Station in Brisbane earlier today to help free a woman caught under a stationary train.

The woman remained conscious throughout the ordeal as Fire Rescue and Ambulance crews worked to free her.

A spokesperson from Queensland Ambulance Service reported the woman sustained lower leg injuries and was taken to Royal Brisbane Hospital in a serious but stable condition.

How the woman came to be pinned under the train is unknown and is under  investigation by Police.

The incident disrupted services temporarily with the Airport and Doomben trains experiencing delays of up to 40 mins.

TECHNICAL – Complete Quiz

Quiz Topic for this week ‘Style’.  First attempt 100% – WooHoo !!

Reflection:

The article presented for review was a great example of poor writing.  Whilst knowing this I found it difficult to explain.  I have researched and reviewed the course content to provide a detailed description.

The technical element of my comments may not be as technical as required, however I would welcome the opportunity for feedback on any point that I have missed.

PRACTICAL – Photo Essay

The Bloom Inspiring Wellness expo was held at the Colonial Club in Cairns on Saturday 8th October.  With 40 exhibitors, 22 guest speakers, 6 workshops and yoga and meditation all day, it was a powerful day for those wanting the best for their health and wellbeing.

Guests receive a free goodies bag courtesy of Drug Discount Warehouse, the major sponsor for the Bloom.  Included is the Bloom magazine which has the exhibitor directory, speaker schedule and all the information needed to enjoy the day.

The VIP guests started their Bloom day with an early morning Yoga session.  This group of 30 enthusiastic women have signed up of a day of empowerment, starting at 8am and finishing with a workshop led by the internationally acclaimed ‘Mojo Master’.

It wasn’t all lettuce leaves and raw carrots available for guests at the Bloom expo.  Sam and Belinda’s Tonic Juice van kept a constant supply of coffee running all day … organic of course.  Wraps, Butter Chicken and Ronaldo’s Quinoa Salad were available for lunch and a range of delicious and nutritious food from stall holders and exhibitors.

Exhibitors from all over Australia made the pilgrimage to Cairns for this year’s Bloom.  Showcasing the very best in therapies, nutrition, food, organics, beauty, healing and personal development, Bloom was a treasure chest of information for health and wellbeing.

Carla Schesser’s story is one of inspiration, hope and belief … There were not a dry eye in the house as Carla shared her experiences, lessons and wisdom.  The author of a recently published book ‘#Success’ was one of 22 speakers presenting across three areas at Bloom.

The VIP’s luncheon on the verandah was not only the perfect location but a great opportunity to meet and speak with Bloom’s guest speakers.  Gold Coast celebrity chef, Ronaldo, provided the recipes to local chefs who used the best produce from the region to create a gourmet feast.

The ‘Raw Food Dude’ aka Rory Bland encouraged the audience to use juices as way of medicine, and was one of the guest speakers with recipes to share.  Recipes and other information presented by speakers throughout the day are available on the Bloom website http://www.bloominspiringwellness.com.

Massages on the verandah was a welcome service, being informed, educated and empowered can be hard work.  Massage, reiki and yoga workshops were provided throughout the day.  Meditation sessions were held under the fig trees of the Colonial Club grounds, the perfect setting for peace, tranquility and connection.

Bloom’s final workshop kicked off at 6.30pm with Michael Johnson aka The Mojo Master coming back to the stage.  The VIP’s got their second wind as Michael worked through the most recent scientific research and steps change. His presentation guided the audience on how to achieve their life purpose without self sabotage, guilt, struggle, frustration and anger.

PRACTICAL – Headline

The original Week 8 media release headline reads

FakeComicCon devastated by ‘play-fight’ turned violent

this original headline was formulated as a media release from FakeComicCon and was created with the intent of managing a public relations situation.

In the context of this exercise, the following three alternative headlines would be representative of a news article by a media outlet or reporting journalist.  The following headlines would not be used by FakeComicCon as headlines to a media release is intended for the week 8 exercise.

1. Storm Troopers left critically injured at FakeComicCon

   The where, what, who information is provided leaving the reader become curious about the details of why, when and how.

2. Make believe turns very real leaving two critically injured at FakeComicCon

   The where, what and how information is provided leaving the reader become curious about the details of why, when and who.

3. Wolverines ‘go wild’ at FakeComicCon leaving two critically injured

   The where, what, who information is provided leaving the reader become interested about the details of why, when and how.

TECHNICAL – Complete Quiz.

More punctuation this week … First attempt achieved 50%, second attempt 90% before finally bringing it home.

What I learned this week

1. the use of singular and plural nouns ending is ‘s’ where apostrophes are not needed.
2. possessive pronouns and the placement of the apostrophe before the ‘s
3. an ellipsis (three dots) is used to mark a pause, or link information.
4. hyphens are used to connect or associate words

Reflection

I found this weeks blog fairly straight forward however I am seeking feedback on the creative element of the headline and caption effectiveness.  I would like to see what a professional would do in both the headline and caption exercises.

INQUIRY – Review a Newsletter

The CSG Newsletter is distributed by the Crocodile Specialist Group of the Species Survival Commission (SSC) of the IUCN (International Union for Conservation of Nature).

The newsletter is distributed to CSG members, organisations and individual subscribers.  The newsletter is published monthly and provides information on the conservation, status, news and current events concerning crocodilians, and the activities of the CSG.

What kind of stories are in the newsletter?

TECHNICAL – Complete Quiz

This weeks quiz was on punctuation.  I achieved 50% on the first attempt, bringing it home on the second attempt.  I learned there have been a lot of changes to punctuation since I went to school many years ago.

This is some of what I learned from this quiz

• Full stops are no longer needed to mark abbreviations
• Apostrophes are less common to make plurals
• Full stops are not needed in headlines and captions.

Reflection

I learned that Newsletters are an effective communication tool for a member / subscriber  base or public. The CSG – Crocodile Specialist Group newsletter was a good example, although it was not visually pleasing the content was meeting a specific need for a specific audience.

The exercise caused me to investigate the structure and design of the content, and whilst I initially thought there was to much information, it is now clear the volume of content is required and works because it is ordered assisting in navigation.

(adietfufufu@tumbler, 2014)

MEDIA RELEASE – INCIDENT

12^th September, 2016

FakeComicCon devastated by ‘play-fight’ turned violent

What started out as a play-fight at today’s FakeComicCon event in Brisbane,  escalated out of control leaving eight people in hospital, two in a critical condition.

Cosplayers in Storm Trooper and Wolverine costume engaged in an unauthorised fight involving 40 people and lasting 20 minutes.  The violence intensified when genuine weapons being worn as costume were used injuring 12 people.

FakeComicCon’s CEO Casey Smith distraught by the incident, said his priority are those affected by the incident, “counsellors are providing support to victims, families, staff and attendees” he said.

Smith said an internal investigation has started and full cooperation is being given to Police.  Smith stated, “we are continuing to work with the relevant authorities to investigate this incident to ensure it is not repeated.”

Queensland Police attending the incident were met with a scene that could easily be mistaken for the set of a Marvel movie, Sergeant John Smith stated, “we have arrested four people on a range of charges related to weapons and assault.”

Changes to security procedures are being put into place to protect event goers in Brisbane.  Increased security personnel and airport style screening will ensure  genuine weapons disguised as costume are identified and prevented from going in.

Casey Smith says that he is committed to upholding the spirit of fun and adventure of the event, “we are doing everything we can to ensure it won’t happen again.  We won’t let a few people spoil the fun for everyone.”

FakeComicCon’s popularity has been growing over the past three years, attracting 30,000 fans to last years Brisbane event.  The annual ComicCon series runs events nationally and aims to give people a safe place to play and meet like-minded people.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION:

Clint Grossmann
0457 757 553 / clint@cluegroup.com.au

MEDIA RELEASE REFLECTION:

Sorry couldn’t resist including this picture Wolverine V’s Storm Troopers, yes it actually did happen!!

I started by cutting text from the given scenario information focusing on the key aspects of the event, and core quotes.  Deliberately I guess there was a lot of unnecessary fluff written into the scenario.

By cutting the fluff out I was left with a foundation  of core information that I could shape into paragraphs and embed into the Media Release template.

The Media Release template was invaluable for this first time exercise, I was able to plug in my paragraphs, then swapped them around to create a flow that seemed to work.

Taking on the role of a representative of the organisation, I wanted to acknowledge the seriousness of the incident but also play to the idea that it was a small group that caused the incident.

I attempted to walk the fine line of taking responsibility then framing the incident to manage its perception ensuring the events go on.  Not sure that I nailed what I was attempting to achieve, but I think it is close.

Look forward to any feedback that could improve it …

Reference

adiettfufufu@tumblr, 2014  Wolverine Vs Storm Trooper. [Online]
Available at: http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzc39tYGEL1qznc3co1_1280.jpg
[Accessed 12 September 2016].

TECHNICAL: Complete quiz

90% first attempt on this weeks quiz, backed up quickly with second round 100%.  The quiz was fairly straight forward, and whilst I am tempted to spend another 15 minutes reflecting on this performance, I am exhausted by my Media Release efforts, and want to just go to bed.

I am sure to be dreaming of packs of tragically dressed Wolverines attacking interestingly shaped Storm Troopers wielding E-11 Blaster rifles, in a battle to death.

That’s me scoring 100% on the first go of this weeks quiz …. pure legend!!

Welcome to week 7, this is my blog and reflection.

INQUIRY: Review Chapter 11 and summarise

This week’ inquiry is about preparing broadcast copy.  This means writing script that is read by a radio or television presenter on air.

Broadcast must be simpler than print and written as you speak.  The writer must know their audience and have a purpose in writing.  Aim the writing directly at the listener or viewers keeping in mind they are not there.

Writing copy for radio is like painting a word picture.  Writing for TV is creating a fusion of words and visual images.  Both however use the inverted pyramid concept for priorities in writing.

Sentences are to be brief energetic and simple, with one thought per sentence.  The ‘Rule of 20’ can be useful.  Consider that each syllable counts as one unit, 20 units is the maximum a sentence can run and be understood.

(AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy)

Writers must attract the listeners interest with leading sentence, but not confuse the audience with to much information.  These three leads sentences are most used

•    Single Act – commence with a who did, what or when it happened.
•    Umbrella or Comprehensive Lead – ties together related incidents or events.
•    Chronological Narrative Leads – describing events occuring over time.

Remember to write for two perspectives, the reader of the report and also the listeners. Be specific when referring to people and things by avoiding long descriptive clauses or phrases.

Apply these Tips for Clarity in Writing Broadcast Copy

1. Use Active Voice; strong, declarative subject-verb-object sentences like  “a lone gunman held up the liquor store.”
2. Use contractions to give the newscast an informal flavour.
3. Spell out normally abbreviated words like street or road.
4. Be sparing in the use of jargon or colloquialisms.
5. Avoid these of semi colons; use hyphens and colons sparingly for punctuation. Comma is used only where the reader is to pause.
6. Don’t bother to attribute obvious information or uncontested facts.
7. Don’t write a sensationalised lead, followed by the name of the source.
8. Don’t use detailed statistics unless necessary because most listeners and viewers either won’t understand, remember or care.

Fresh news copy is important to invigorate interest.  By adding new information the listener is subtly led to believe that the news operation is keeping ahead of the story. Each story should be composed with an interesting blend of writing techniques.

Be unique with your writing and keep the listener involved.

Reference

NITV, 2016. Criticism mounts over Alan Jones’ ‘we need Stolen Generation’ comment. [Online]
Available at: http://www.sbs.com.au/nitv/article/2016/02/15/criticism-mounts-over-alan-jones-we-need-stolen-generation-comment
[Accessed 6 September 2016].

Whitaker, W. R., Ramsey, J. E. & Smith, R. D., n.d. Media Writing – Print, Broadcast, and Public Relations. Fourth ed. New York: Routledge.

PRACTICAL: Create a broadcast audio script

• TAKE V/O
• TAKE VO

TWO CAIRNS YOUNGSTERS HAVE UNCOVERED THE SECRET TO LIVING A LONG, HAPPY AND HEALTHY LIFE.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD DARCY AND HIS SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD-SISTER CIARA BELIEVE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE IS FAMILY AND BEING WITH THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE.

• TAKE SOT ———-
• Darcy Grossmann SOT
• [Darcy Grossmann]
• RUNS=
• OUTQ:…
• TAKE SOT

“Family is everything to me.   I love walking on the beach with my family, I feel so safe and secure and happy when we are all together just having fun.”

FAMILY AND CONNECTION HAVE BEEN DESCRIBED BY THE DIRECTOR OF A 75-YEAR-OLD STUDY ON ADULT DEVELOPMENT AS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT FINDINGS. THAT GOOD RELATIONSHIPS KEEP US HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER.

• TAKE SOT ———-
• Ciara Grossmann SOT
• [Ciara Grossmann]
• RUNS=
• OUTQ:…
• TAKE SOT

“For me, being with people I care about, achieving my goals and dreams, and experiencing things that bring me joy are my top three most important things.”

• TAKE V/O
• TAKE VO

THESE TWO YOUNG PEOPLE IN THEIR WISDOM ARE A REMINDER FOR US ALL TO SPEND OUR TIME AND ENERGY WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ARE MOST IMPORTANT US.  ACCORDING TO ROBERT WALDINGER, OUR LIVES WILL BE BETTER FOR IT.

• TAKE SOT ———-
• ROBER WALDINGER SOT
• [TED X TALK]
• RUNS=
• OUTQ:…
• TAKE SOT

“It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they’re physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected.”

Reference

TED , 2015. Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons formt he longest study on happiness.. [Online]
Available at: https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness/transcript?language=en#t-364840
[Accessed 7 August 2016].

TECHNICAL: Complete the quiz

Did I mention I got 100% on the first go of this week’s blog?

I found this weeks quiz logical, perhaps I listened to my English teacher in class that day, who knows.

Anyway the result is what counts, I am going to bask in the glory of success, just for the moment ….